And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong

Chapter 1 - Just remember in the winter

Rose is there when Rey returns, so she is one of a few who sees him first. Poe Dameron is issuing orders and Finn rushes to embrace Rey, but Rose, who feels a little out of place and without anything to do, keeps her eyes on this new face.

He looks harrowed and a little lost. A nasty burn running down his neck (and probably down his back under his black clothes), and his eyes are shadowed and smudged, like he’s been crying. He’s all but leaning on Rey as they hobble together from the stolen – badly damaged – imperial ship.

She hears her own name in the noise and turns to meet Poe Dameron’s eyes.

“Tico, help the others with the ship. Make sure it’s not about to blow us all up.” Then, more to himself: “That’s the last thing we need right now.”

She hurries to catch up with her colleagues and throws one last glance at Rey and Finn as they hug and spin each other. Her eyes slide past the man in black just as his eyes turn to follow her.

Three weeks passes without her thinking any more about it. Things are busy, as always.

There is always something that could use a bit of reparation, so she is never short of work. Now, as the resistance is winning more and more battles, and several imperial squads have surrendered, she can’t help but think that there is an end in sight.

And an end to this war would meant… what, exactly?

She had always thought Paige would be with her, that they would never be separated. Now she has to figure out an after without her?

Rose swallows and stares into her food. The mess hall is quiet and almost empty, no conversations to listen to or people to talk to, to distract her. Except–

“Rose!”

She turns and sees Rey come striding into the hall, arms full of food, and close on her heels that man. That man that has been following her ever since they came back. Rose, at least, has not seen Rey without also seeing this shadow somewhere close by.

Rey sits down across from her, spreading out her five breadrolls she had balanced on top of the mush. The man remains standing.

Rose can’t help but like Rey, and desperately wants Rey to like her back. It is the same silly, embarrassing, star struck feeling she had when she first met Finn, but she can’t help it. Rey is sharp and rough, and not used to eating with others, so conversation easily dwindles with her. But she was not hostile to Rose talking at her about her favorite holo-drama the last time they sat alone together, and Rose is desperate for any distraction at this point.

“So. He’s new?” good opener, Rose. Smooth sailing from here.

“Um.” Rey turns from her bread to the man, who is still standing for some reason. She waves him over to sit next to her. “Yes. You could say that. I couldn’t leave him behind, and there was no time to call ahead to inform Leia.”

He sits down and everything from his face to his posture says that he does not want to be here having a nice chat. Rose tries not to stare, but he is huge up close, even sitting.

“You’re like Finn?”

At his and Rey’s look of confusion, she clarifies: “A deserter – you left the First Order?” He remains silent, but Rey talks in his stead.

“Yes! He helped me fight, so I couldn’t just leave him behind in that mess I left. I couldn’t have done it without him.” She shot a look at him, more pointed than Rose expected. He was giving Rey a look that she could not quite decipher.

“That’s wonderful.” She says without thinking, but then realizes his situation: alone in this new place, with no family, the world turned on its head. Rose, despite trying her best, feels pity then. Pity, and a kind of belonging; here is someone who must feel more out of place than her.

The obvious first point of action is to get Finn involved. Rose goes looking for him in his quarters, in the mess, in the armory, everywhere she could think of him being, but she can’t find him. She’s afraid that he is avoiding her again, like he did after Crait (after she kissed him). But no, that can’t be it. They’re fine now.

She doesn’t find Finn, wherever he’s hiding. Instead she runs into the general and that man, standing close together, the general’s hand lying soft on his arm. The corridor is empty except for them, and Rose feels like an intruder.

“You can come down here any time! For anything! There’s not much to look at, but it’s easy to be alone, if that’s what you want.”

He doesn’t say anything but doesn’t look uncomfortable with her pushiness either.

He is not particularly good at it.

“You were on board the supremacy?” he says suddenly.

“Oh. Yes. Me and Finn was trying to sabotage their tracking. And we. Well, we failed.” She would rather not talk about it, but Ben is giving her his full attention, and she prefers talking to the awkward stiff silence of before.

“You see the resistance was being chased and were low on fuel, so me and Finn went to Canto Bight to find a hacker who could get us on board the supremacy unnoticed, and that took it’s time but the guy we got was, well he was shit. Not at his job! He got us in well enough, but he sold us out the moment he got a little pressure. You see we were caught. And we would’ve been executed too! I was so angry I nearly bit this weaselly general’s finger off–“, her story makes little sense, so she thinks that is why he cuts her off, but he looks giddy.

“A weaselly general? He had red hair?”

“Yes! You’ve seen him then?”

He doesn’t answer, but he’s smiling, and it’s like he’s holding back a giggle. Just the idea makes her feel braver.